oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
