I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize