a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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