dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
