Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
