Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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