So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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