Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
