Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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