The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
