why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
