Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
