Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
