Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
