it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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