life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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