Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
