Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
