i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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