I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
