ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
