I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
