when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
