Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
