I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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