He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
