after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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