Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
