I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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