I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I cannot find my penis.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
