If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
