she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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