just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have aggressive nipples.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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