my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
