Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
