Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
