that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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