The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
