she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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