Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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