Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
