Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
