just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
