So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize