I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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