just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
