and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I will die if light touches me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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