I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
