Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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