Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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