as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
well you can't waste a boner
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Boobs speak an international language.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
