she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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