The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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