Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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