Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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