God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
