I'm so fucking centered right now
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
