You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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