You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
