I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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