the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
