I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
