so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
