first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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