hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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