Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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