The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
